


Returned.

by BarPurple



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Gen, Mentions of Blood, Nonsense, Some Swearing, Sorry Not Sorry, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-18
Updated: 2014-07-18
Packaged: 2018-02-09 09:35:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1977909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BarPurple/pseuds/BarPurple
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Paperwork is Hell even for demons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Returned.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a piece of total nonsense that wormed its way into my head and wouldn't leave until I typed it up. I'm inflicting it on you lovely readers because I can. Sorry, sort of.

Hell has changed a lot since Crowley became King. Many of the classic torture racks stand empty, their surfaces dry and cracking instead of being washed constantly in fresh blood; the chains that once shook with the futile thrashing of damned souls now creak forlornly as they hang limp and unused. Crowley’s tortures are more psychological and bureaucratic; never ending waiting lines; hissing and crackling piped muzak and soul crushing décor are more effective at breaking souls than most demons are willing to admit. 

Of course the demons have their own problems to deal with under the new regime. Since an incident known as the Rosen Loophole Crowley has insisted on reports and documentation to ensure that no demons get creative in the same way again. One element of this new paper trail was the Returns Log In; every demon that returns to Hell has to go through the demonic equivalent of Immigration Control and that is exactly where Gabby found herself after a run in with the brothers Winchester.

“Hey Gabby, back again?”

“Looks like it Sadie. Do I have to do the form again?”

“Yeah, the Lucky Leprechaun is on the war path again. Come on it won’t take long.”

“Okay, hit me.”

“Reason for Return.”

“Exorcised by the Winchesters.”

“Reason for Failure of Mission.”

“Idiot humans.”

“You mean the Winchesters?”

“Nope, the brain dead Charmed wannabes in the coven I had going.”

“They screwed up?”

“They cast a fuck or die spell on Dean Winchester.”

“Sweet Mother of Sin! Did he even notice?”

“What do you think? All that guy does is fuck and die! Repeatedly!”

“Sorry, it don’t get much worse than that Gabby.”

“Oh yes it does. Their next bright idea was to cast an Uncontrolled Emotional Outpouring spell on Sam Winchester.”

“Wow. Talk about a waste of power. I take it that one went unnoticed too?”

“Yep. It didn’t even make the brothers argue. To be honest Sadie, I was glad when they started with the Latin.”

“I bet. Come let’s get a beer. You’re still in the running for the Survivor Pool.”

“Great. How many times has that British chick been through the queues now?”

“Er, last time I looked she was up to 109. You would have thought Crowley would know queuing isn’t gonna break a Brit.”


End file.
